I used to scream at the universe for not unveiling to me all I once the life answers I so earnestly searched for. I went as far, at times, as to demand those answers. When I realized they weren’t coming as I so desperately anticipated, I began to master ways to directly influence situational and life equations in favor of the outcome I envisioned or felt entitled to. This strategy rarely, if ever served me well in the final analysis. Quick wins are short lived, as it pertains to the life stuff that really counts.
My head was so buried in the sands of self-entitled disillusionment that I could not hear, see nor breathe any truth apart from that which made sense in the sand castle universe I’d constructed for myself.
Life would slam me against the brick walls of reality until I accepted that sometimes seemingly brutal truth… that the universe has its own timing. God has his own timing. Which was typically and frustratingly… completely fucking misaligned with my own.
We all desire that rendition of our better selves; our best selves…
We envision that “finally got our shit together” state of-
10-pounds lighter
more muscular
healthier eating
less stressed
more amicable
financially and relationally successful
well-traveled
happy
self-fulfilled selves…
That self we strive for; who seems so close we often forsake the gift of this present moment we have…towards the actualization of that future self.
I think my life truly began to change towards authentic progress, the moment I finally abandoned the pre conceived notions of what I believed it should look like and began to focus instead on doing simply the next best thing on the path where my feet were in that present moment.
This simple concept that the entire weight of the world didn’t hinge on that… one decision, relationship, career move, grade, social status, money, sexual exchange, marital decision, situation, event or day…set me free to finally live with intentional presence in the moments that composed my life. Let’s face it…bad shit happens, but so do amazing things that take our breaths away.
experiencing all of life; both beauty and it’s struggle. Accepting this concept that both exist and for everything there is a season…set me free to Be Here Now, after all-now is all we have.
It is in this understanding that I was freed to listen more to what the universe had been trying to clarify for me all along… One day at a time life is here for me; for us all.