Today is a rarity not granted to everyone. A friend looked me squarely in the eyes and said to me years ago, “life is not a dress rehearsal.” I’m reminded of that as I reflect on the loved ones I’ve personally lost to unexpected illness or death over the last year. Sometimes it is surreal to remember their unconditional love, presence and vitality …and to reconcile the reality that they are not here with us still. This present moment is indeed all we have. It’s so easy to get caught up in the relentless details of all the priorities, people, projects, travel, stuff that demands our focus, time and attention. They all matter to us, after all. Paradoxically, if everything is urgent and the most important…how can anything be?
Surrender. That’s the word that has been put on my heart for the last 6-9 months. Along with Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” Admittedly, it challenges me to the core to simply surrender & to be still. Which is precisely why I know for sure it’s the practice I must continue in. I’ve lived much of my life carefully orchestrating what I believed best/thought it should look like & doggedly executing on those visions. What a relief it is to finally embrace that my singular job is to stand in the sunshine that today has to offer. To choose love for myself first then others; and to remember that this journey itself, in this exact moment, is home. The beautiful gift awaiting you & I today…is to surrender, to let go of the illusion of control, to sit in the stillness as a human…being.
As the only present father figure I’ve known in this lifetime was nearing his death a year ago, his wife sent me a simple message one random morning “we think we have time.” It is sometimes in the forced stillness of suffering and loss, that we can most clearly see what is true, real, good & most significant in this existence. All the beautiful, shiny shit we spend lifetimes collecting & surrounding ourselves with… gentle reminder; it all stays here when we leave. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy those things too. But it is what we can actually take with us, that both now and in eternity will count the most. That we might have the courage to stand in self reflection & with gentleness and grace see the truth about ourselves. To persist in showing up for the work within ourselves that still remains-like me, learning to surrender. To live like we mean it, embracing love instead of yielding to fear’s grip. Learning to deprioritize the beautiful cacophony of distractions that can clutter our souls. To surrender, to be still. To hold space for gratitude, faith and grace. To know that he is God.